he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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