apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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