just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize