I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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