I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize