I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
this beer tastes like vomit already
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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