it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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