I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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