I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
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Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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