I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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