right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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