No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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