I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
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I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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