how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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