why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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