how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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