I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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