so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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