Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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