Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
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We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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