I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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