Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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