I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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