these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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