I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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