dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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