I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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