You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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