found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I want is dick and wine.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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