apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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