I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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