omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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