Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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