I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize