Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Randomize
Follow @tfln