ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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