she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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