I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize