Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
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This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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