He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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