I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize