life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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