Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize