overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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