Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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