I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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