i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize