we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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