totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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