he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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